The SABL BS

Volume 2 Issue 62 January 2000

FROM COMMISSIONER SCOTT ELLIS, 2^ND AMER. BASKETBALL LEAGUE

I'm out of town on business until February 6

I'm out of town and on the road on a business trip and will not be back until February 6. Stay on schedule and have fun until I get back. I'll have some more stats and standings for you then.

Nats (27-33) sweep Bettendorf (41-27) at home

Let's let McLean Coach Rob Storey tell it:

   McLean won all three games at home, 103-86, 88-80, and 106-81.  In the first game, Bettendorf fell behind by ten at the half, and spent the rest of the day shooting threes.  Bad idea.  they only hit four of 27 (zero of nine foe Mad Max(well)).  Mourning tore the Druids up inside, hitting for 30.
    In game two, Bettendorf had their only rebounding edge of hte series, and got Alonzo in foul trouble.  But the McLean centers doubled Larry Johnson (held him to two points) and the rest of the Druids again shot poorly.  Max was better -- one for seven.
    Game three went the Nats way from the beginning, and they were up by 20 at the half.  Max again improved, to two for seven.  But the Druids shot only 38 percent for the series, and that didn't cut it.  They'll have to wait til next year.

Druids (41-24) take 2 of 3 at home from McLean (24-33)

Let's let Bettendorf Coach Mark Feeney tell it:

Divisional races heating up down the stretch

In the North, Deerfield is hanging on to a slim lead with Holcomb and Deerfield in hot pursuit. East leader East Asia is pulling away with the best record in the Royal Conference. Galactic is only a half-game ahead of the Aces in the South, while Bettendorf remains 2.5 games atop the North.

New standings have been posted.

Jams (9-35) win one vs. Tulsa Twisters (23-27)

The Jams and Meade are racing for the worst record in the SABL. Here's Chapel Hill Coach Tommy Field with this report:

Tulsa took three out of four from the Jams winning 97 - 68, 92- 76, 96 - 80
and then getting the tables turned 90 -67.  Top performance was by Sam Mack
who poured in 25 points in 24 minutes in game 1. For the Jams, Dale Davis had
a double-double in the lone CH win with 13 boards and 10 points.

Penalty Point report

Lateness kills play-by-mail leagues. It won't be allowed in the SABL. Here's our latest ticker and a reminder: Penalty points follow the draft picks of the affected team, as long as that coach stays in the SABL, even if those picks are traded to another team. That means if you own a pick from a team that has dropped down in the draft order, the pick you own from that team drops the appropriate amount in the draft order, too.

Trading drafts picks do not "cleanse" them. You make your trade, and you take your risk, both with players who can get injured and with draft picks that can go sour.

As always, I will accept appeals on any penalty assessments:

Holcomb - 4 points - 1 point for no instructions to Chapel Hill for Dec. 16 game; 2 points for no results for Meade at Holland series, Dec. 23. 1 point for no results for Dec. 23, Game 4, Meade at Holcomb. Holcomb drops down one place in the draft order this year.

Philly - 3 points for disappearing. Philly drops down one place in the draft order this year.

Garden City, 3 points - 1 point for not paying attention to its opponent's roster in Dec. 8 home series vs. East Asia and 2 points for no results for Jan. 2, Bettendorf at Garden City. Garden City has dropped down 1 place in the draft order this fall.

Chapel Hill - 3 points - 1 point, no results for Garden City at Chapel Hill, Dec. 16; 2 point for no results for Holland at Chapel Hill, Dec. 16 and 1 point for no results for Great Lakes at Chapel Hill series on Jan. 9. Chapel Hill drops down one place in this fall's draft.

Tri City, 2 points for no results for Philly series on Dec. 20

McLean, 1 point, no results for Meade at McLean, Dec. 17

Deerfield, 1 point, for not paying attention to its opponent's roster in a January home series vs. East Asia.

Finney, 1 point, for not autoplaying Philly and getting its 6-game Finney vs. Philly series played on Jan. 8.

Richmond, 1 point, for no results for its Jan. 6 game of Chapel Hill at Richmond.

Meade, 1 point, for no results for its Brooklyn at Meade series, Jan. 9.

Akron, 1 point, for no results for its Holcomb at Akron series, Jan. 9.

McLean (23-31) takes 2 of 3 from Tri City (32-21)

Nats' Coach Rob Storey tells it:

In the first game, The Nats stiffened their defense in the final quarter and came back to win 95-93.  Marbury was double teamed by Ricky Davis's defender, which helped the Nats to hold Stephon to 13.  Once again, the center combination of Alonzo Mourning (18) and Brad Miller (13) disrupted things inside.  four other Nats were also in double figures.
    The Blackhawks came back to win game two 101-93.  After falling behind early, the Nats took a lead early in the fourth period, but could not hold on.  Stephon found a way around the double team and went wild with 36.  The Nats inside game produced 36 free throws, but the Blackhawks also blocked 12 shots, six by Shawn Bradley.  Mourning had 16.
    The Nats had an easier time in the final game, winning 102-81.  Bradley was in foul trouble early and often, although he was still arround at the end.  Mourning led six Nats in double figures with 21 (Miller's 10 and Longley's 2 still meant 33 for the centers.)  Marbury had 20 on 7 for 17 shooting.  Schrempf was consistent throughout the series scoring 20, 19, and 18.

Please make sure you make all our trades!!!!

You may have noticed some "hand-corrections" on our league standings. That's because some folks played some games without making the appropriate trades before playing those games, thus voiding the results of those games because incorrect rosters were used and because incorrect rosters were used, imported game plans could not be followed.

The games had to be replayed and when different won-lost results occurred, the won-lost records of the respective teams had to be changed. The problem occurred in two series involving East Asia.

The fault was not with East Asia. The fault was that two coaches DID NOT MAKE TWO TRADES INVOLVING EAST ASIA, as listed on this website. Here are the trades, and for goodness sake, make sure you have made them before playing East Asia or you'll get penalty points, too:

1. Bettendorf trades K. Thomas to East Asia for L. Johnson & M. Bryant. Bettendorf cuts J. Robinson

2. East Asia trades K. Thomas and his 2nd pick to Holcomb for Ben Wallace

These trades have been listed on our website for 2.5 months and were posted before our season even started. There is no excuse for not having made them.

In Strat's baseball game, you can edit stats and fix problems when games are not played correctly and have new stats and standings printed out. In the basketball game, however, you cannot do this. When the game is played, that's it. Stats and standings are cast in statistical stone, unless you throw everything out and restart the league - that is not a viable option in any play-by-email league I know of.

This is a serious problem that Strat should fix, but until it does, we have to do it the only way we can on the standings - by Liquid Paper. Our stats will be off slightly, but the most important thing, our standings, will be correct.

These problems could have been avoided if everyone simply read the website and made the trades as listed.

PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU HAVE MADE ALL THE APPROPRIATE TRADES IN THE ORDER LISTED ON THE WEBSITE OR YOU ARE SUBJECT TO PENALTY POINTS FOR NOT FOLLOWING A COACH'S ROSTER OR INSTRUCTIONS.

Druids' Feick could be out for rest of regular season

Bettendorf, atop the North Division with a 35-20 record, will likely lose rebounder Jamie Feick for the rest of the regular season. Druid Coach Mark Feeney laments:

BETTENDORF NEWS
Jamie Feick, one of the main reasons for the Bettendorf Druids, probably
will miss the rest of the season after x-rays revealed a hairline fracture
of his right ankle.
"He landed awkwardly while going for a rebound against Tri-City," Druids
Coach Tom Davis said. "At first we thought it was just a sprain and he might
miss a few games. It turns out otherwise.
While Feick has not scored much this season, he has played solid defense and
has brought the Druids from near the bottom of the league in rebounding into
the upper half.
"We were getting concerned about the number of minutes he had been playing
anway," Davis said. "We wanted to get him some rest anyway."
Feick, who had been expected to average about 20 minutes a game, had been
playing close to 26.
"Mark Bryant probably will take his spot on the active roster, although we
may use Malik Rose in some home games,'' Davis said. "Feick may be ready to
return in our series against the Galactic Thunder. If not, he'll be ready
for the playoffs, which we hope to make for the first time."

East Asia (34-11) destroys Jams (9-34) 110 - 86

Darrell Armstrong had a fabulous double-double w/13 pts and 13 assists.  Key was a 33 - 15 3rd quarter edge for Asia.  The Jams had one double-figure scorer--Rasheed Wallace w/28.

New standings, stats are posted. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Miles (21-48) mows down Druids at home, taking 3 of 4

Bettendorf (35-20) saw its lead cut to 3 games over Tri City as Miles wins three of four at home. Miles maestro Tom Jargo explains:

Game 1 was a blowout, with the Dogs winning 99-83. While shooting 38 percent
from the field, the Dogs grabbed 62 rebounds -- doubling the Druids effort.

Miles wins Game 2, 89-87. Mookie hit a jumper to give the Dogs the lead, and
the Druids missed a three-pointer at the buzzer.

Game 3 to Miles, 90-88. Once again, it came down to the end. Glen Rice hit
two free throws to give the Dogs the lead, and the Druids missed a
three-pointer at the buzzer.

Game 4 to Bettendorf, 74-71. Some justice for the Druids, who this time hit
the buzzer-beating three-pointer to salvage the finale.

Chapel Hill (9-33) routed by Richmond Raiders (24-18)

Richmond routs Chapel Hill as Smith and Finley combine for 54 points in an
easy 103 - 87 victory.  Muggsy Bogues was the Jams leading scorer (which
probably explains why the Jams lost).

McLean (20-29) beats Richmond (22-18) at home

Richmond stays in second place in the East after this loss, as described by McLean Coach Rob Storey:

McLean hit 58 percent to Richmond's 40 percent to cruise to an easy 110-88 victory.  The Raiders were only down 11 at the end of three quarters, but only managed 13 points in the final period.  Michael Finley led five Raiders in double figures with 18, while Mourning led the Nats with 30 points, 12 rebounds, and 3 blocks.  However, Brad Miller initiated a challenge to Bonzi Wells for the "secret weapon" title, by scoring 19 points in 13 minutes on 6 for 7 field goals and 7 for 7 free throws.  Yes, that's right: 49 points from the center position.

McLean (18-29) beats Akron Blimps (11-17) at home

I don't know if you've noticed it, but Coach Rob Storey's Nats are winning some games. Rob tells us about his latest win:

After a nearly even first quarter, Akron fell completely apart as they were outscored 32-14, as the Nats took a twenty point lead.  The Blimps furious rally in the final period never brought them closer than nine.  Kevin Garnett led Akron with 21, while Mourning had 28 and Howard 27 for McLean.

Brooklyn (11-31) again astonishes, loses to Jams (7-29)

Chapel Hill is still the worst team in the league, but it won this won at home, as Jams Coach Tommy Fields describes it:

The last-place Chapel Hill Jams shocked Brooklyn 84 - 71 as the Jams new
defensive-minded lineup held Brooklyn to 36% FG shooting.  Dale Davis had 9
points and 12 boards for the normally hapless Jams, while P.J. Brown was the
only double-figure score for the losers with 22.

Brooklyn (11-29) astonishes, sweeps Meade (9-26)

Defending Royal Conference champs the Brooklyn Tigers beat the Jayhawks three straight at home, but Brooklyn fans, counting on that first pick this fall to bring the Tigers back to their glory days as perennial divisional winners, were not happy campers. Brooklyn Coach Steve Feldheim reports:

1/15/00 Brooklyn, NY

Game2: Brooklyn’s largest victory spread of season. 6 men were in double figures, led by P.J. Brown 17pts-19reb (a monster game – he had 10p, 8r after 8 minutes. Lopez chipped in 15 pts. Bobby Jackson had 6 assists (a measly total – but the Tiger’s high of the season. Douglas had 11pts, Reggie 10 to lead the Jayhawks. Ostertag again all over the boards – 12 Reb. Kittles 1-9 shooting, Mercer 0-8.

In a short interview, when this reporter asked for his qualifications as a Basketball coach. Casey’s response was "if the game got a round ball, I can coach it." Stengel’s personality should make for some interesting confrontations with todays athletes.

East Asia (29-9) loses a couple in the South

The Dragons dropped a couple of road games against South Division juggernauts Galactic (44-7) and St. Lucie (46-9), 123-97 and 118-97, respectively. East Asia shot only 40% from the field in its St. Lucie loss, while Galactic Coach Steve Walters, who remains percentage points atop the South, tells the tale on his game:

Dragons were caught in a Thunder storm as Galactic put up
42 points in the first quarter on 86% shooting!

East Asia was lead in scoring by Walker with 23 and Ewing
adding 21 before fouling out in 27 minutes of action. The big
story was the Dynamic duo of D.Armstrong and E.Jones
combining for only 14 points on 6 of 14 (including 0-4 on 3's)
from the floor and 2-2 from the line. Walker attempted 24 of
the Dragons 78 shots with only Ewing(13) attempting more
than 9 shots in game. Walker and Armstrong lead team
in assists with 6 each. Dragons shot 4-19(21%) on 3's.

Thunder got big numbers from Barkley 29 points and game
high 8 rebounds and Pippen with 24 points, 7 rebounds and
7 assists in 37 minutes. Galactic had it's best game of the
season from 3 point range(5-9).

Overall Thunder topped the Dragons in FG% 61-42, assists
35-20 but was out rebounded by East Asia 40-35.

Miles meets its match again as McLean mops up

McLean (13-24) also beat the Bulldogs (17-42) three straight at home. The Nats are still in fourth place in the South, while Miles is still in last in the North. McLean Coach Robert Storey reports:

    McLean took games one easily, 112-96, behind a 47-35 rebound advantage and 58 percent shooting.  Mourning had 20 points and 12 rebounds to lead the Nats.  Mookie Blaylock hit only 4 of his 15 threes, but led Miles with 20.

    Game two was a dogfight.  Miles led much of the way, but couldn't sustain it after both Miles centers fouled out by the third quarter.  Doug Christie led five Bulldogs in double figures, but the Nats had five of their own led by Bippy's 17.  Bippy hit several critical free throws down the stretch.

    The third game was the best of them all.  The Bulldogs hit 14 of 29 threes to offset a 36-11 free throw advantage by the Nats (Mourning was 12 for 19).  Still, the Bulldogs were holding for a last shot in a tie game when Bippy stole the ball and scored at the buzzer.

Galactic (43-7) beats Miles (17-29) three straight at home

Galactic maintains a slim percentage-point lead over St. Lucie atop the South Division by beating Miles three straight at home, 126-99, 118-107 and 103-95. Thunder Coach Steve Walters roars:

Game one:
> Miles was lead by Mutombo with 22 points and 14 boards(9 off).
> Blaylock added 18 points but shot only 32%(7-22 including
> 4-17 from 3 point land.
>
> Galactic was lead by Barkley with 21 and Kemp with 20 points.
> Stockton lead team with 10 assists and added 14 points.
>
> Overall Galactic out shot Miles 62%-43, and out assisted Miles
> 36-19. Miles was 12 of 38 on 3 pointers.
>
> Game Two:
> Christie lead way for Miles with 20 points, Blaylock added 15 and
> Mutombo put in 14 with game leading 14 rebounds.
>
> For Galactic Kemp had 25, Richmond 20, and Barkley 19 points.
>
> Overall it was bombs away for the Bulldogs(8-30 on 3's) again.
> Galactic had 50 rebounds(14 off), 30 assists and shot 83% from
> the free throw line(34 of 41).
>
> Game Three:
> Bulldogs were lead by Blaylock with 18 points and 6 assists and
> Mutombo with 12 points and 11 rebounds.
>
> Thunder put 7 men in double figures with Kemp leading the way
> with 18 as will as 10 rebounds.
>
> Overall Miles continued to unload 3's(7-33)for game and  27 of 101(21%)
> for 3 game series. Miles had only 11 turnovers to Galactic's 26, while
> the Thunder out shot the Bulldogs 65%-43%, out assisted them 30-40
> and out rebounded them 40-30.

Philly is freaked-out, autoplay Philly team in January

I haven't heard from Philly Coach Gary Goldstein in several weeks. I'm giving him 3 penalty points for not letting me know what's going on and I'll give him two more every week he doesn't respond to my emails and phone calls until he reaches the 21-point expulsion point. If Gary does leave us, all his penalty points will vanish when a new coach takes over.

Until you hear otherwise, autoplay Philly in any January games you have with him, AND PLAY BOTH THE HOME AND AWAY GAMES! Send me and Gary the results.

If you have any friends with an Internet connection that would like to join this insanity, have 'em phone or email me.  

Aces (43-9) comeback, win 3 of 4 at home vs. Galactic

In a must-win situation to stay in the South Division race, St. Lucie beat Galactic (40-7), three out of four games at home (105-111, 144-119, 129-111, 137-125), to stay a half-game back of the Thunder. Ace Coach Scott Ellis credited the comeback to the benching of "secret weapon" Bonzi Wells, who did not play at all in the homestand, while Galactic Coach Steve Walters was fending off criticism for playing its "secret weapon," Reggie Slater, only 6 minutes in the Thunder's last two losses.

"The death threats against Reggie from those Ace thugs were just too much," Walters said. "We had to think of Slater's safety."

Game 1 - Galactic, down 60-47 at the half, thundered back as Shawn Kemp scored 20 and boarded 9, Scottie Pippen scored 20 and Terrell Brandon had 12 assists. Sam Cassell scored 18 points in 18 minutes and Haywoode Workman netted 14 in 17 minutes. Grant Hill scored 22 and Rod Strickland had 13 assists for the Aces. Karl Malone had 10 rebounds.

Game 2 - With a 1-4 record so far against divisional leader Galactic, it looked bad for the Aces, but the first of three wins in a row started here for St. Lucie. This first Ace win happened despite what appeared to be an overwhelming FG domination by Galactic, other than the final score.

At the end of the first wild quarter, Galactic led by only one point, 42-41, despite setting an SABL team record 94% FG average. By the end of the half, the Aces led 76-72, despite Galactic's 82% FG. At the end of the third quarter, Galactic had a 79% FG avergage, but was still losing 102-98. The only clue to this was another SABL record: Galactic had no offensive boards for the first three quarters, and had only 4 in the game, while the aces had 17 offensive boards in the game.

In last quarter, Galactic collapsed 21-42. Shaquille O'Neal scored 23 for the Aces, Gary Payton had 28 with 7 assists, Hill had 28 with 7 assists and Cliff Robinson scored 20. Brandon had 13 assists and Slater, who would not be seen much again, scored 15 points in 19 minutes.

Game 3 - O'Neal scored 20 with 9 boards and Payton scored 18 with 15 assists. Cliff Robinson scored 20. Kemp scored 21.

Game 4 - Kemp scored 26 and Charles Barkley scored 25 for Galactic, but it wasn't enough as Shaq dunked 21 points and Payton had 23 assists and 19 points. Rod Strickland had 10 assists and 18 points, while Hill scored 23 points and had 6 assists.

Avoid grief, check for official SABL rosters, trades

Before you import any team's game plan and play your league games, you should always check our website and make sure you've kept up with the latest trades, etc., and know exactly who is on your opponent's team. Our January rosters are posted right now. If you have any outstanding games in December, you better read our trades or contact your opponents to find out who WAS on their roster for December.

Actually, you should already have played your December games. Any games not played within two weeks of their scheduled date could make you liable for penalty points.

In the SABL, you play to win or you don't play at all

Some of the teams in our league are very good. Some are very bad. But good or bad, in the 6 years of SOM Basketball gaming in the SABL, everyone has always done all they could to win their games, regardless of the odds. The Amazing Bettendorf Druids are a shining example of this in first place in the North Division.

If I discover that anyone is not trying to win every game that they play in the SABL, that coach will receive 10 penalty points immediately. If that coach makes the same mistake again, they will be expelled from the SABL.

Galactic (40-4) keeps rolling, beating Richmond (19-15)

South Division leader Galactic beat Richmond at home, 117-100. Richmond remains second in the East Division. Galactic Coach Steve Walters recounts:

Richmond  was lead by Steve Smith with 34 points on
12-18 from the floor, 3-5 from 3 point range and 7-7
from the free throw line, Finley added 16 points,
4 rebounds and 4 assists. Jackson lead team with
10 assists and added 6 points with two 3 pointers.

Galactic was lead by Kemp and Pippen each with 24
points. Brandon added 17 points and team leading 10
assists.

For the game The Thunder topped Raiders in field goal
percentage 70% to 47%, rebounds 36-22, and assists
33-25. Richmond was 8-22 from 3 point land

Galactic (38-4) grabs Aces by throat, win 3 of 4 at home

In the annual battle of Classic Conference titans Galactic and St. Lucie (40-8), the Thunder rumbled to a big series win at home in superb display of offensive prowess, 124-118, 122-106, 145-122 and 127-134.

The wins leave Galactic in first place by one game over the Aces in the South Division.

The Aces' only win came when disbelieving St. Lucie Coach Scott Ellis benched "secret weapon" Bonzi Wells for most of Game 4, after Wells frentic play in the first 3 games threw off the Aces' well-oiled offensive and defensive machine. "Bozni will be back for the playoffs," Ellis said, "but he has to go into our de-tox unit until then."

Game 1 saw a 27-point performance from Galactic's Kemp and a 20-point, 12 rebound game from Barkley and a 29-point game from St. Lucie's Karl Malone. Wells had 15 points, 8 rebounds and 4 assists in 25 minutes.

Game 2 had Galactic's Terrell Brandon scoring 20 points and getting 8 assists. Barkley added another 21 points. Shaq O'Neal dunked 23 points and had 9 boards for the Aces and Payton scored 21. Galactic's "secret weapon," Reggie Slater, scored 13 points in 10 minutes.

Game 3 saw Barkley and Scottie Pippen netting 22 for Galactic. Brandon had 21 points and 13 assists. David Robinson had 21 points and Malone scored 20.

The Aces shuffled their offense to counteract the "all-outside" offense Galactic used to whip St. Lucie in the first three games and, minus Wells, who only played 2 minutes and scored 6 points, salvaged one game in the series. Gary Payton had 19 points and 10 assists, Grant Hill scored 23 and Cliff Robinson and Malone each scored 22. Malone had 11 rebounds. Kemp netted 21 for Galactic, as did Pippen. Brandon had 16 points and 11 assists.

Now the venue changes to St. Lucie, where the Aces' backs are against the wall. If Galactic takes this series, too, the Thunder will likely capture the South Divisional title for the first time in SABL history. The tension is building as this likely preview of our Classic Conference finals continues.

Miles Bulldogs (15-31) beat Meade (9-18) at home

Miles Coach Tom Jargo sez:

A rarity: A victory for Miles - 98-83! Sura had 17 points in 17 minutes off
the bench, and Mutombo just missed a triple-double with 10 points, 15
rebounds and 8 blocks.

Who's Trading?

This trade takes effect NEXT SEASON. Do not make any adjustments to your SABL league rosters:

Galactic trades their 2001 1st pick to Richmond for Chris Gatling.

Trade deadline passed, all trades are for next season

The new millennium has dawned and that means all trades from January 1 onward are for next season. If you didn't get that guard you needed (like me) before the Dec. 31 deadline, too bad . . . we're all trading for next year, now.

New stats are up under various links! Check it out!

New standings, team summaries and stats are up all over the place. I'll be trying to do this around the 1st and 15th of every month.

Bulldogs (12-22) beat Deerfield (11-15) 102-100

Deerfield now drops to fourth place, a half-game behind Finney in the incredibly tight West Division race. From top to bottom, only 2 games separate every team. Miles, however, is in last place, 11.5 back of the devilish Druids. Bulldog Coach Tom Jargo reports:

What a way for the 'Dogs to open a new century! Miles wins 102-100, snapping
a long losing steak. The pressing Bulldogs forced Deerfield into 38
turnovers, including 10 by Paul Pierce, to overcome an early 11-point
deficit. Abdur-Rahim and Pierce combined for 46 points, including 28 of 30
from the free throw line. Christie led the 'Dogs with 25; Mookie chipped in
18, and Sura added 11 off the pines.

HAPPY MILLENNIUM TO EVERYONE!!!!

Reveling and Fry join the Miles Bulldogs

Bulldog Coach Tom Jargo passes this on:

By Dan Hill
Quad-City Times

Former Iowa basketball coach George Raveling and former Iowa football coach
Hayden Fry have been hired as general manager and coach, respectively, of the
Miles Bulldogs, owner Thomas W Jargo announced today.

Raveling, who has coached the Bulldogs the past two seasons, gets a promotion
and moves upstairs. He reportedly signed a five-year, $300-million deal, a
slight raise from his salary as coach. He will be in charge of all personnel
decisions.

"I learned a long time ago, the guy can't coach," Jargo said. "But he is an
astute basketball mind and will be a welcomed addition as general manager."

Raveling's impact was felt immediately, as the Bulldogs traded a first-round
pick in 2000 to the Davenport Dazzlers for Keon Clark.

"It's tough to give up a first-round pick," Raveling said. "But we think
Clark is worth the gamble. He's a shot-blocker, and Mr. Jargo likes
shot-blockers."

Fry, who brought the Iowa football program back from the dead, hopes to do
the same with the lifeless Miles Bulldogs. He comes out of retirement to take
over a struggling Bulldogs squad that is about as competitive as the Chicago
Bulls. Fry inked a four-year, $190-million deal.

Jargo defended his decision to hire a football icon to coach a basketball
team: "Fry knows how to get the most out of his players," he said. "And he
always has a few trick plays up his sleeve. I'm pleased he decided to give up
the good life and take over this bunch of misfits."

Fry was anxious to get started. "It's just like the offense we used at Iowa,"
he said. "A lot of short passes. I guaran-dang-tee we'll play hard."

The lucrative contracts given to Raveling and Fry immediately brought a flood
of criticism from other SABL coaches.

"He's an idiot -- completely and utterly an idiot," an irate Bettendorf
Druids owner Mark Feeney screamed, as he stormed out of a Druids practice
session today at The Mark of the Quad-Cities. Feeney was later seen consuming
mass quantities of  Kool-Aid at a fashionable Q-C eatery: "This boy is
driving me to drink."

Galactic Thunder owner Steve Walters: "He's raised the bar to an
incomprehensible level. My God, what was this dumb SOB thinking?! Of course,
I'm still bitter that the dumb butthead traded Malone to the Evil Aces. But
that's another story ..."

"I'm going to go Thai one on," East Asia owner Paul Bennett said. "Get it?
'Thai' one on?! ... Work with me, people. Work with me."

"HIs team sucks, and he has way too much money -- a dangerous combination,"
Davenport Dazzlers owner Kevin Feeney said, while trying to wake his brother
from a Kool-Aid induced coma. "Look what he's done to Mark."

Jargo, who reportedly controls most of the Kool-Aid trafficking in the U.S.,
thumbed his nose at his critics.

"Neener, neener -- wins are for losers ... Wait ... That didn't come out
right ...

"... it's just that my team really sucks, but we sell out every game. We
aren't even comptitive but we pack 'em in every night. What a steal. I'm
making money hand over fist. I was talking to (Chicago Bulls GM) Jerry Krause
about that the other day. We had a good laugh over that ...

"... despite that, changes needed to be made. They are playing like a bunch
of girls. Ooops, did I just say that? Dang, might as well go home and wait
for a call from Maureen Dowd ..."

The new regime saw the Bulldogs open the January schedule with two losses to
the Garden City Gladiators, amassing a mere 75 points in a home defeat. (The
Bulldogs had several technical fouls for having too many players on the
court).

"We're looking to turn it around against those boys down in Kansas," Raveling
said. "We're hopeful, but not even Coach Fry can peform miracles."

Druids (24-11) down Deerfield (11-13) 113-111 at home

The leaders of the West, the Kings, and the leaders of the North, Bettendorf, duked it out and here's Druid Coach Mark Feeney's report: