2004-05 Season Preview

By Tom Jargo
Minneosta Chill Coach

Welcome everyone to the 2004-05 edition of Survivor SABL.

In our last episode, we said goodbye to an old friend. Kevin Feeney, owner of the Davenport Dazzlers, who was voted off the island.

"I'll miss him," Bettendorf Coach Mark Feeney said. "He was like a brother to me."

This week, we say hello to several news faces -- and one old mug. Returning to Survivor SABL is Tom Jargo, owner of the former Miles Bulldogs franchise (now the Chandler Monsoon) and current owner of the expansion Minnesota Chill.

"I missed him," Mark Feeney said. "But I'll keep shooting."

Joining Jargo at the kids' table are expansion owners Ron Tidrow (Indy Rebels), Dan Simpson (Springfield Bulldogs) and Tony Disibbio (Tucson Sky), another former SABL owner who wandered back to the old neighborhood. These four gluttons for punishment will feast on SABL leftovers this year, and it will likely show in the standings. Call them robbers, because they'll be holding up each division.

Now it's time to meet our cast of survivors:

Royal East Tribe:

NEW YORK CITY SIDEWALK SLAMMERS: Joe Hamrahi inherited a team Kevin Feeney had been rebuilding. Feeney had targeted this draft for a turnaround, and it looks like Hamrahi is in good position to make that effort successful. It all centers on Shaq: The Miami Heat are all wet with the arrival of the Kobe Kastoff, so will Shaq be as good as his last commercial or as bad as his last rap CD? I bet the former, and the Slammers could rise to the top of a very competitive division.

RICHMOND RAIDERS: Another talented team unfazed by expansion and too good to be overlooked in the East. They'll have everybody seeing Redd. For the future, however, Nowitzki doesn't have Nash, and Stojakovic STILL has Webber, so we'll see how the two superstars adjust.

MCLEAN NATIONALS: Lost the mighty Dale Davis in expansion! How can the team survive? Or better yet, how can the expansion owner dumb enough to take him survive? The Storey here is lots of talent -- led by R.Jeff. Add B.Mill, A.Mill, C.Magg and G.Aren -- and R.Stor should have a pretty good year.

AKRON BLIMPS: Is LeBron's mom still giving him Large Vehicles? (Okay, I could use the actual name of the large vehicle, and that would make this a bit more funny, albeit a bit more disgusting. But this is a family Web site). Good nucleus, with the next great center and the next big thing. But maybe not good enough in a tough east.

BROOKLYN TIGERS: Being in the deep East takes some bite out of this team. But they won't roll over and play dead. K.Mart adds punch with his Blue Fight Special. Gasol will leave a Pau print on the east. Brooklyn will be spoilers, if not better.

INDY REBELS: Just going around in circles -- for now.


Royal North Tribe:

HOLCOMB HEAT: Trader Dillingham is at it again, revamping a roster for another run at greatness. And it doesn't look like he's missed a beat. Rumor has it that Toine has requested a no-trade clause after hearing that Jargo is back in the league. The Heat is on the rise.

FORT HAYS GORILLAS: The Younger Dillingham is studying Gorilla warfare at boot camp, and with Artest and Ben Wallace, he's off to a pretty good start. Took a few hits through expansion, but should be competitive nonetheless.

BETTENDORF DRUIDS: Uncle Evil took over this team from his sweet, little niece. And darkness has fallen across the north. But Pure Evil is a really good coach, so the winner of the north may have to travel through darkness to get there. You're not in Kansas anymore, Holcomb.

TRI-CITY BLACKHAWKS: Evil's brother hopes Marbury and Iowa Boy Ricky Davis will be his guiding lights through the darkness, his ladders over the fort wall and his relief from the Heat. That could be a tough assignment.

RIVER CITY RENEGADES: Nephew has been attending evil classes across town and has been ignoring his team. That's why Tyson is toiling in Tucson. The third remaining member of the Feeney-Resnick alliance will have a tough time competing. But the Renegades are still better than the ...

MINNESOTA CHILL: Quit laughing!

Classic South Tribe:

ST. LUCIE ACES: The Commish spent his summer/fall catching some serious waves as Pure Evil dispatched his spawn (Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne) on the voter-challenged people of Florida. Through it all, the St. Lucie boss generated enough power to keep the Aces shining across the south. Add K.G. to this stacked deck, and the Aces are the team to beat.

GALACTIC THUNDER: Will continue to challenge the Aces -- even without the "aging non-scorer" they couldn't pry from the Chill. Lots of talent to keep the Aces honest.

NEW ORLEANS BUCS: Up-and-coming team that gets somewhat lost in this division. Young team that will get better through the draft.

CHAPEL HILL JAMS: Another good team trapped in a tough division. But Kirilenko and Kompany could Jam up the works in the south.

ATLANTA HAVOC: Where the Havoc reeks. Rebuilding, and hoping to send the other teams to the school of hard Knox.

SPRINGFIELD BULLDOGS: Still better than the Chill.

Classic West Tribe:

SAN FRANCISCO TERMINATORS: A talented bunch of girly-men. But can they terminate the Aces' dominance in the Classic? They have about as much chance as Californians electing a muscle-headed pseudo-actor governor. TWICE!

CAVE CREEK LONGSHOTS: Two first-rounders added to a talented core make them anything but longshots. Could use some bulk.

SCOTTSDALE SUN-BURN: It's a crime Spree got away, but this team has loads of talent to compete for the title out west.

TULSA TWISTERS: Coach Creider has faith in his band of sinners. And he thinks the Twisters will do well, too. I broke a Commandment here: "Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Raef!"

CHANDLER MONSOON: With the trade of Toine and allowing Mashburn and Daniels to go in the expansion draft, Tony is erasing my mark from this team. Probably a good thing.

TUCSON SKY: Another Little Sister of the Poor, but still better than the Chill.